Chasing Integrity

A coworker grilled me with questions once as to knowing when I was telling the truth and when I was acting dumb. I didn’t know I ever purposely acted dumb, but her questions caused me to reflect on my integrity.  I have a ways to go.

I’ve compiled a list of “ifs” that disbanded my previous notions of integrity – these represent my journey towards integrity – they may represent yours as well. 

• If I’m unwilling to confront when wronged and confront in a manner that seeks to maintain relationship (to love the other person), I lack integrity.
• If I shrink from difficult conversations because I don’t want to get my hands dirty with sorting through the details, including my responsibility for the misunderstanding, I lack integrity.
• If I’m unwilling to “beat up the bully” when being abused or misused, I lack integrity.
• If I’m unwilling to sacrificially lay my life down for a greater cause, knowing that greater cause exists, even when wrongly accused (think Jesus), I lack integrity.
• If I’m unwilling to forgive, I lack integrity.
• If I’m unwilling to trust again, I lack integrity.
• If I lack compassion, I lack integrity.
• If I fail to show grace, knowing how much I myself have received it, I lack integrity.
• If I fail to show mercy, knowing how much mercy God has on me, I lack integrity.
• If I quit and pretend it’s something else, I lack integrity.
• If I do not have personal boundaries, I lack integrity.
• If I’m unwilling to maintain my boundaries, I lack integrity.
• If I’m dishonest about who I am, I lack integrity.
• If I’m dishonest (with myself) about whom I’m becoming, I lack integrity.
• If I say I love God, but don’t lay my life down in surrender and obedience, I lack integrity. 
• If I seek myself before I seek others, I lack integrity.  
• If I trumpet my integrity so people are willing to trust me, I lack integrity.  
• If I act deceitfully when someone beats me in sports (e.g. a cheap foul, disguised), I lack integrity.  
• If I pretend to be something I’m not, I lack integrity.  
• If I’m unwilling to be vulnerable about who I am, when appropriate, I lack integrity.  
• If I’m unwilling admit my need and ask for help, I lack integrity (and courage).  
• If I bow to my fears, I lack integrity.  
• If I let fear dictate my actions, I lack integrity.  
• If I fear people vs. fear God, I lack integrity.  
• If I seek the speck in the eyes of others before removing the plank in mine, I lack integrity.  
• If I approach God and others arrogantly, I lack integrity.  
• If I forget that I’m human and that every good thing and perfect gift I have comes from God, I lack integrity.  
• If I forget that everything I have, including my finances, belongs to God, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to admit I’m wrong, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to acknowledge my weaknesses, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to acknowledge (and act on) my strengths, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to develop my strengths, I lack integrity.  
• If I hoard my knowledge, talents, resources and time, while the years pass by, I lack integrity.  
• If I malign others, I lack integrity.  
• If I malign others to exalt myself, I lack integrity.  
• If I malign others to protect myself, I lack integrity.  
• If I use my influence, insight, wisdom, understanding and knowledge to serve myself vs. serve others (to seek position, power or prestige), I lack integrity.  
• If I use or manipulate others vs. developing relationships and motivating action (leading faithfully), I lack integrity.  
• If I act before the time to act, or rely on myself vs. rely on God, I lack integrity.  
• If I’m unwilling to do the hard work of making smart decisions, I lack integrity.  
• If I’m loose with my budget, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to confront reality, I lack integrity.  
• If I put others at risk to try something new (untried), without first assessing the risks, I lack integrity (sometimes, you make the best decision you can in the time allotted).  
• If I fail to stand up when the moment arrives to confront injustice, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to stand up when the moment arrives to tell the truth and call people on their dishonesty, I lack integrity.  
• If I participate in wickedness or dishonesty by not taking a stand when the moment arrives, I lack integrity.  
• If I shrink from telling the truth or speaking up because it’s inconvenient, I lack integrity.  
• If I seek to save face by not praising others or by not admitting my error, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to acknowledge and confess my sin to God, I lack integrity.  
• If I think I’m something that I’m not, I lack integrity.  
• If I praise myself, I lack integrity.  
• If I seek the praise of man, I lack integrity.  
• If I’m unwilling to allow others to rejoice with me in my accomplishments, I lack integrity.  
• If I fail to rejoice in the accomplishments of others, I lack integrity.  
• If I’m unwilling to befriend people because it means being vulnerable, I lack integrity.  
• If I turn my head from the suffering of others, I lack integrity.  
• If I lack generosity, I lack integrity.  
• If I lack self-control, I lack integrity.  
• If I lack contentment, I lack integrity.  
• If I have anxiety, I lack integrity.  
• If I lack faith, I lack integrity.  
• If I lack hope, I lack integrity.  
• If I lack love, I lack integrity.

Rock of Refuge

An interesting thing happened today. As you all know, the economy is testing the resilience of each of us. A particular taco shop I go to has been hit by the economy, as well. I’ve been praying for the guy who owns/runs it. I can’t imagine choosing to put on a brave face each day like he does, knowing that business is down and dropping, but facing the unknown of how much business he will bring in that day anyway. Recently, a franchised Mexican food chain set up shop in the same business park as his. He now gets to compete against name recognition . . . and like each of us in these times he’s taken a step back and assessed his options – he can’t close his business; he can’t subsist with business as usual since the franchise is drawing business away. He’s got to eat!

So, today, approaching the turn into the business park, I noticed a home-made poster advertising his shop, propped up by a wire stand. Now, this shop happens to make the best carne asada fries in the industry, and I told him so, and said, “you know, more people should know about this place! . . . I like that sign you made for your shop!” He mentioned the franchised Mexican food restaurant and showed his hand when he said some things trying to hedge his place in the business park. So I confirmed and countered him about the other business and said, “but I come here because of your carne asada fries and because I like your shop.” He just smiled and kept smiling.  I also thanked him for not rushing me out of the shop when it closed so I could finish eating in peace. Hopefully he got the point :)  - and I pray God brings him lots of business and blesses his heart.  

Why do I tell you this? I guess just because sometimes it takes seemingly impossible situations to bring us to the point where we think beyond our existing experience or repertoire, even if it’s to a simple jig that’s within our means, to do what we can about the situation or where we give in – and giving in is not an option. Or if you’re a Christian, to take that small (or large) step of faith based on the wisdom you’ve received from God, and hope – if not for today, for Tomorrow – that God not only has today in His hands, but has also provided for tomorrow – and for eternal life, and that makes all the difference . . .

But I also tell you this story to challenge you (and me) to focus on how we can help each other through the storm.  No one likes the storm while they are in it – at least not at first – and since the Storm is common to us all, a little charity can go a long way (and also takes our eyes off ourselves).

So, to all of you who have edified me over the years, thank you. And to God, my loving Father, who sees to my encouragement – often just at the moment of my need; and who pulls me through, and will pull me through; and who won’t leave me defenseless, I love You and thank You.